I wheelie don't care

It's hot and I'm grumpy.
Wheelies on a main road. Man, woman, or child. I don't care who you are, or what kind of bike you are hanging off of. If you are doing a wheelie, I won't look at you. You are doing this for attention. You will not get it from me. I will turn my head so far in the opposite direction, that if there was a face on the back of my head, it would be looking at you. And it would be unimpressed. There is another reason I will not look at you. YOU ARE DOING A WHEELIE ON A MAIN ROAD IN THE FLOW OF TRAFFIC. This activity can go so very wrong. As much as you annoy the bajinkers out of me, I do not want to see a you salad scattered on the road. The bike has two wheels. Use them. Here's a thought....buy a unicycle. MUCH more impressive, and way cooler(/nerdier). I will drive off of the road watching you on a unicycle.

A little known fact about me is that I dig used things. (ok, so maybe that's all some people know about me). Now it's called "thrifting", and sounds cool. I've been doing it before it was cool. After driving on this and many other sweltering Saturdays, keeping my eyes peeled for balloons and flourescent bristol board, I have formulated a very strong opinion about something. I think there should be laws governing yard-sales, and a special police force to enforce said laws. You have signs printed from your computer on every light pole and staple-gunable surface in a 10 mile radius. An overly complicated network of arrows that smacks of marketing genius. Your sale? One table. One table. What's on your table? An unopen pack of blank cassette tapes, a dusty rose plastic tissue box cover, a plastic butterfly with an unknown application, some Christmas snack trays, and vacuum cleaner bags. A $200 fine ma'am! You make people get out of their air-conditioned vehicles to see this? Did you clean out your junk drawer, and fancied talking to (annoyed) strangers, while sitting in the ungodly heat? Surely you're not only wasting the time of 20% of the people driving by, but your own as well. Even if you sold everything, your profit for one day would be $12.50. That's awesome! 60 years ago. The next offensive yardsale? The "Zero-adder". This is a yardsale, that at first glance seems promising. Then you notice the price tags (which, btw have been printed from a pricing gun). These prices would be very reasonable....except for one little thing.....an extra zero! No one is going to buy your used bedding for $150, or your run-of-the-mill salad bowl for $20. If you honestly feel these items are this valuable, keep the friggin' things! You're not going to convince people (that have just climbed your unreasonable amount of stairs) of their inflated worth. That's a $500 fine sir. You're just plain insulting and a time-waster.
Next yardsale? Wait....this all seems very familiar.....aha! It's the "Multi-family, Never-ending Sale". Let's have a sale together neighbour. Ok. Wow, this is a great way to spend a Saturday. Looks like we have some stuff left. I know! Let's do this again tommorow. Wow, this has been a great Sunday. Let's try to sell this exact same stuff next weekend! I'm actually free every weekend this summer. Let's do this! Let's also advertise "new items added" in the classifieds for the people that are on to us. Ladies! $1000 fine. Stop messing with me.